Brothers

I've been thinking a lot about brotherly love lately and the role siblings play in our lives.  Nico and Lincoln are just under two years apart, which means that neither one of them will ever remember a time when they didn't have a brother.  When they look back on their childhood, they will see mom, dad and brother from the earliest, haziest memories.

In the beginning, we were so fearful of saddling Nico was a special needs brother.  We were hyper aware that at some point Nico would likely be put into the position where he would have to choose to either listen to others make fun of his brother or stand up for Linc and face ridicule himself.  We knew this meant Nico would have to learn to be a defender of the underdog, that even from a very young age he wouldn't have the luxury of laughing at the weakness of others to look cool.  

And perhaps the hardest to swallow, we knew that in all likelihood Nico would have to take care of his brother once we're gone. Whoever Nico marries (if he goes that route) will have to be on board with caring for Linc, too.  And whoever Nico befriends even in adulthood will have to be considerate of his special needs brother. 

It felt like too much to shackle him with, especially when he was not quite two and we were coming to terms with what Linc's diagnosis would mean for all of us.  I was, and am, sorry for the extra work that Lincoln will bring into his brother's life.  But I'm not for one second sorry that we gave him Linc as his brother.

I'm not sorry that he will learn compassion from his relationship with Linc.  I'm not sorry that instead of expecting Nico to become a doctor or lawyer, we are expecting him to become a man of character.  I'm not sorry for giving him a little shadow who follows him around with stars in his eyes and adores him like he will never be adored by another person on this planet.  I'm not sorry that Nico will learn to appreciate his physical and intellectual advantages with humility and an understanding of how arbitrary the dispensation of those gifts are.  I'm not sorry for the lessons he will learn from his brother, and I'm certainly not sorry for the hugs they share every night before bed, the games of make believe played out in the back yard, the movies watched in tandem with little hands fighting over the popcorn bowl, the forts built out of blankets in the living room, the two man race to see what Santa left on Christmas morning, or the hours of laughter those boys have shared over everything from snot to their favorite TV show.  It only took me four years to see that of all the things we could have given Nico, of all the gifts we could have bestowed on his young life, I think a brother of Linc's caliber is the best.