Speechless

I admit there are days when I look at Linc and think: SAY something, kid. Not because some book told me he should be talking at this age and not because other two year olds are soliloquizing about legos and the trials and tribulations of potty training. I want him to talk because I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. I can’t wait to hear his little gravely voice call out mama when I come in the door. I can’t wait for him to shout no at Nico when Nico steals a toy from him. I can’t wait until he can tell me where it hurts or what he wants to eat for dinner. I love him so much I can’t wait to get to know him even better.

Maybe he hates country music like his father, and he can tell me to stop torturing him with it. Maybe, like his brother, he likes pink and doesn’t understand why we keep giving him all this blue and green crap. Maybe he’s like me and thinks we should put the cat in some sort of casserole.

But until he can tell us those things, we won’t know for sure. It’s one of those frustrating things because he is so close to talking, it seems, but until that moment of realization where he connects sound to thoughts, we are just staring at him and waiting. It’s like watching for lightening in a storm. You stare at the sky forever, hoping to see it strike, but all you get are churning clouds and rumbling suggestions of what’s to come. The second you turn your head, of course, you know you’ll catch in your periphery that light flashing across the horizon. But while you are staring at the sky, it feels like it will never happen.

So, we’re waiting, trying not to watch him like an almost boiling pot. I swear he communicates like a chipmunk in an old cartoon, gesturing, pointing, chiding or cheering. They aren’t words yet, but it is a kind of speech, like watching an opera in another language where you can infer the meaning, you can read the plot in the tone and the inflection of the songs even though you can’t understand a word. His theatrical pantomimes, earnest signs, and affectionate embraces speak so profoundly about his unspoken intellect, an intellect we questioned before we knew him. Now, he shows us how bright he is everyday, and we just can’t wait until he can tell us about it, too.