The Rest

From as far back as I can remember, music has been the thread that tethers me to a tentative sanity. I remember being very young and listening to Amy Grant records over and over (hey, I didn’t say it has always been good music). It was just me singing into my hairbrush and belting the lyrics like they were the only truth I had ever know, like I had written them myself. I lived out entire lifetimes in the songs of musicals, saw the entire show in my head and knew every word released on the Broadway cast recordings even though I knew I would never get to see them performed on stage. I got my teenage angst fix from Tori Amos, learned how beautiful you could make anger sound with a lilting piano backing you up.


The thing is, though, that the lyrics affect me as much as the music. I used to write out the lyrics to my favorite songs and tack them up to my bulletin board and just ruminate on them. One of my favorites, one of those scraps of paper that I moved with me to California and back at least twice, was a song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called “This is Love.” All of the lyrics are lovely (you can read them below if you like that kind of thing), but the ones that stuck with me and have become a sort of mantra of mine are:


“If you ever wish for things that are only in the past

Just remember that the wrong things aren't supposed to last

Baby, it's over and done, the rest is gonna come when you let it”


I think of this song often, but tonight it is with me again as I think about the way we are passing music on to our children. I’ve been so affected by the way Nico responds to music, from the time when he would dance like a madman to “Somebody to Love” to his sponge-like absorption of Christmas carols. Nico loves music. He has favorite songs and songs he does not want to hear, thank you very much.

But, Linc is different. Linc has what I would call a profoundly musical nature. He lights up when music comes on. He dances, he claps, he mimics our movements, he drums on the table or his leg or, you know, an actual drum if one is handy. When I sing, he walks over and tugs on my pant leg to be held. I pick him up and sing, and he will just stare at me in wonder. Sometimes, he will stroke my face or hug me tight or dance in my arms. There have been days when I feel like music is the way Linc and I communicate. Because I can tell that he, like me, just feels it inside him like a call from on high.

The boys have been attending this music class (thanks, Grandmother!) that is based on the neurological and psychological benefits that music has on children’s development. The catch phrase is that music is everyone’s birthright. I think that’s true, too, in general for all people. But, I think that is true in particular for Lincoln. He is in a stage where he is capable of so much, and yet his ability to communicate is stunted. Through music, though, he gets to be on the same level as everyone else, dancing and clapping and swaying and really communing through the melody and the rhythm. It is where he gets to shine, and when he shines, you can bet the rest of us do, too, with pride and excitement.

Those lyrics I mentioned are appropriate for almost any stage of life, I have found, because every day there are things we could regret, ways we could wish life had gone a different way. It is tempting, on a bad day, for us to wish that Lincoln was a typical child with only the typical things to face in his life. And yet, in appreciating who he is rather than who we thought he would be, we let the rest come. With Linc, the rest is so much more than we imagined. It is this adorable, unforgettable, musical child who makes life better. Who makes us better. So let the rest come.


“This is Love”

If you ever need to hear a voice in the middle of the night
When it seems so black outside that you can't remember
Light ever shone on you or the ones you love in this or another lifetime

And the voice you need to hear is the true and the trusted kind, with a soft
Familiar rhythm in these swirling, unsure times, when the waves are lapping in
And you're not sure you can swim, well here's the lifeline

If you ever need to feel a hand take up your own
When you least expect but want it more than you've ever known
Baby, here's that hand, and baby's here's my voice that's calling

This is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love

If you ever need some proof that time can heal your wounds, just step
Inside my heart and walk around these rooms; where the shadows used to be,
You can feel as well as see how peace can hover

Time's been here to fix what's broken with its power and the love that
Smashed us both to bits spent its last few hours calling out your name,
And I thought, this is the kind of pain from which we don't recover

But I'm standing here now with my heart held out to you
You would have thought a miracle was all that got us through
Well baby, all I know, all I know is I'm still standing

And this is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love, standing up for you baby, standing up for me
And I see you still and there's this catch in my throat;
And I just swallow hard till it leaves me
There's nothing in this world that can change what we know
Still I know I am here if you ever need me

And this is love
If you ever think of me, let it be around twilight, when the world has
Settled down, and the last round of sunlight is waning in the sky as you
Sit and watch the night descending

A car will pass out front with lovers at the wheel, a dog will bark out
Back, and children's voices peal over and under the air, you've been there,
Lost in the remembering

If you ever wish for things that are only in the past
Just remember that the wrong things aren't supposed to last
Baby, it's over and done, the rest is gonna come when you let it

And this is love, all that ever was and will be
This is love, when you let it baby, if you let it now
This is love, all that ever was and can be